KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Won't admit using Meth?

Got Questions	Won't admit using meth? Hi....I have been "lurking" on this board for several days, and think you guys are awsome. I have several questions about meth use. I have never used, nor been around anyone who is using, but I have an old friend who I am positive is using now. I have not seen much of her in the last couple of years, but had heard she was using, so 2 other friends and I arranged to meet up with her for dinner, to see what her frame of mind is, and of course, to offer support. I have been reading about meth use constantly since finding this out, and I understand that she has to admit she has a problem....want to seek help....etc. I have several questions though, so please excuse my ignorance, and the long post. 1.) One of my friends confronted her privately, and let her know that she had heard she was using. Of course, she flat out denied it. So what next? what do you do when they won't even admit using? Do you wait until they are ready to admit it, or do you continue to offer support and hope they eventually open up? Do you let them know that you aren't falling for their line for a second, or leave it alone? 2.) She has two kids who live in the home, and a husband who i know has used in the past, but I'm not sure of his status at the moment. The kids are 3rd and 7th grade, the eldest is aware that his mother is doing drugs (he found her pipe in her vehicle, and knows that she has been recently arrested for shoplifting). My question is should someone be called about the kids, such as social services? or should that be left alone as well? 3.)This is a no-brainer, but I would still like to hear some imput. This friend is my ex's sister, therefore he takes my kids to her house frequently, and I know that she puts my youngest in the car with herself and her daughter almost every time they visit. I know it is dangerous, but I guess I am wanting to know just how meth use affects driving, judgement, etc. (I have had to be straight with my daughter btw, and have recently forbidden her to get into a vehicle with her aunt). 4.) This one might sound trivial, but its just something I wonder about. Of course, her appearance has changed dramatically...drastic weight loss..rapid aging etc....I was wondering, when she looks in the mirror, does she realize how bad she now looks and no longer cares because the drug is more important to her, or does she look in the mirror and not even see the damage she has done? 5.) As everyone who uses meth, she has done many things that were not previously her nature.....very frequent sex with strangers,,very bold sexual acts, webcam etc.....I guess I am wondering if she is fully aware of what she has become, and if there is any guilt associated with her actions at this point....I'm guessing there is, but again the lure of the drug is stronger. I want to thank in advance anyone who has taken the time to read this, I realize it is very long winded, and the questions might seem trivial to some. Please feel free to answer any or all.... And keep up the good work on the board, and to everyone recovering, kudos!! You're awesome. I'm sure there are many lurkers like me who have learned so much thanks to your sincerity, and openess!
Replies...
TnSkye	Re: Won't admit using meth? 1. If they won't admit it, you can do nothing. Let them know you are there if/when they want support and that you love them, then walk away. Most often an addict has to find their rock bottom before they decide to quit. 2. I feel that social services should be called. Too many children are neglected and/or abused in homes where meth is used. 3. I don't know how it affects driving, but I know how it affects reasoning, logic, common sense. I would not allow this. I am separated from my husband and our 10 year old daughter is not allowed to go anywhere with him. He must come see her here. Is it possible that your ex us using? 4. Most likely when she looks in the mirror she sees a beauty queen. 5. Yes, they are aware of what they do. The drug tells them that they don't care, that there are no consequences. The drug won't allow any guilt either. By the way, WELCOME. Feel free to ask anything else you'd like to know. Meth use is serious business and should NOT be taken lightly. Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can.
Got Questions	Re: Won't admit using meth? Yes, its possible the ex is using, but I'm not really sure, I have no contact with him because of the violent rages that he would go into whenever I saw him. My son tells me that he knows for sure he was using at her house, but also says he feels sure he hasn't in the past year. I'm not sure myself.....I have many doubts, but we dont have a relationship of any kind anymore, and confronting him is out of the question...(long story of course!)
Rachel sue76	Re: Won't admit using meth? Hello and welcome to the board. It is nice to meet you but I am sorry about the circumstances that we all meet under. *Quote:* 1.) One of my friends confronted her privately, and let her know that she had heard she was using. Of course, she flat out denied it. So what next? what do you do when they won't even admit using? Do you wait until they are ready to admit it, or do you continue to offer support and hope they eventually open up? Do you let them know that you aren't falling for their line for a second, or leave it alone? She denied it. That is what addicts do. They deny / lie. What do you do when they won't even admit to using? Someone else will have to answer you about that. My husband never denied use once I had flat out proof. Sorry but I can't help you on that one. I would continue to offer support and wait for her to open up. It would also depend on how close we were. I have some friends that I can just call them out on their B.S. I have others that it has to be addressed a little more kindly. What kind of relationship do you guys have. Really close or kind of close? *Quote:* 2.) She has two kids who live in the home, and a husband who i know has used in the past, but I'm not sure of his status at the moment. The kids are 3rd and 7th grade, the eldest is aware that his mother is doing drugs (he found her pipe in her vehicle, and knows that she has been recently arrested for shoplifting). My question is should someone be called about the kids, such as social services? or should that be left alone as well? I would personally want to know the status of the father first before I called CPS. And, I would also want to know if the children are being taken care of. That is just me. If the husband is not using, I would talk to him about her using and ask if there was anything that I could do to help. *Quote:* 3.)This is a no-brainer, but I would still like to hear some imput. This friend is my ex's sister, therefore he takes my kids to her house frequently, and I know that she puts my youngest in the car with herself and her daughter almost every time they visit. I know it is dangerous, but I guess I am wanting to know just how meth use affects driving, judgement, etc. (I have had to be straight with my daughter btw, and have recently forbidden her to get into a vehicle with her aunt). She has pipes in her car and your daughter is riding with her? I am sorry but I would say no way that was going to happen. My children come first everytime. Have you talked to your ex about this? Maybe he would agree with you if you talked to him about your concerns??? *Quote:* 4.) This one might sound trivial, but its just something I wonder about. Of course, her appearance has changed dramatically...drastic weight loss..rapid aging etc....I was wondering, when she looks in the mirror, does she realize how bad she now looks and no longer cares because the drug is more important to her, or does she look in the mirror and not even see the damage she has done? She knows. It is a funny thing with addiction. The drug is important to her but not because she is thought less of how she looks or of anyone else. It makes her feel good. That is how it is supposed to work on her brain. And, it does it's job. *Quote:* 5.) As everyone who uses meth, she has done many things that were not previously her nature.....very frequent sex with strangers,,very bold sexual acts, webcam etc.....I guess I am wondering if she is fully aware of what she has become, and if there is any guilt associated with her actions at this point....I'm guessing there is, but again the lure of the drug is stronger. Yes, she knows. And yes, there is guilt but all it takes is the next hit to make it go away. You were not long winded and I think that it is good that you ask questions to find out about someone that you care so much about and would like to know how to help.
Got Questions	Re: Won't admit using meth? Thanks for all your replies......they are exactly what I was hoping for. All of us used to be really close....we told each other stuff we would never admit to anyone else, but over the last couple of years that realtionship has changed. The friend that confronted her is very blunt with her, but we had read that it is best not to force the issue, so she did not pressure her past the initial denial. Was that the correct thing to do? When she would not admit use herself, she said the husband was using, but isn't now. I'm not close to him, but if you guys suggest that we call him and ask some questions, we can do that. As for the kids care, I get the feeling they are kind of on their own. I know one doesnt get his medication as prescribed for ADD, the mother will take him off the meds, then put him back on....back and forth. Which raises another question....would Ritalin do anything for a meth user? we had wondered if he didnt get the meds cuz she was possibly taking them. At the time my daughter was in the vehicle with her, i was still unaware of the problem. She lives in a different town, but I told my daughter straight out she has a drug problem, it is very dangerous to get in the car with her, and under no circumstances ride with her, even if she has to call me to pick her up. Thanks again for the honest responses.............It is a tremendous help to us.
TnSkye	Re: Won't admit using meth? I have too many fears to let my daughter be with her dad without me there to supervise. I'm afraid he'll leave her with other kids or with someone who wouldn't watch out for her best interests, like eating and such. I don't know who he'd have her around, where he'd have her, or what she would see. I'm afraid that she would have to become the parent at some point. In all honesty, because I know his family so well, I'm afraid he'd get her to try. He's always said she can smoke pot and drink at home, so why not meth? He is never on time, so I could count on worrying about what's going on, where they are, if they are ok. He drives a camero and like to show off even though it's a POS. I'm sure there's more,but it's late and I'm getting tired.
TnSkye	Re: Won't admit using meth? Meth addicts lie and manipulate. They will do ANYTHING to protect their 'secret.' Backing off was probably a good thing. When she said that her husband was using but doesn't anymore, BS, BIG BIG BS. Meth addicts can quit on their own, but it takes a certain amount of determination that most cannot muster on their own. Most addicts can only be successful at recovery when they have worked a program and MOST even continue to work programs, such as NA. You said you don't speak with your ex, but here's a website with alot of useful information. You may find something here that stands out. If I didn't answer all your questions, sorry. I get to thinking and start forgetting.
Rachel sue76	Re: Won't admit using meth? *Quote:* The friend that confronted her is very blunt with her, but we had read that it is best not to force the issue, so she did not pressure her past the initial denial. Was that the correct thing to do? Why force her to lie to you. If you all see the signs and have heard that she is doing it from 2 different people she probally is. It reminds me of something that this guy I used to know said. " If someone tells you that someone else is a junkie, you better just stay away from them all" lol. Come to find out, he was and he had a lab in his basement. *Quote:* would Ritalin do anything for a meth user? Umm Suz....... Yes, it will if you can look around and possibly find forget suzette's post about Ritalin, you will find your answer. However, I do not know her so I cannot say for sure if that is what she is doing. *Quote:* At the time my daughter was in the vehicle with her, i was still unaware of the problem. She lives in a different town, but I told my daughter straight out she has a drug problem, it is very dangerous to get in the car with her, and under no circumstances ride with her, even if she has to call me to pick her up. Cool. I am glad to hear that.
patti	Re: Won't admit using meth? I recently found out my son is using meth and he thinks he has worms inside of him. He says he only used meth once about a week ago. He lives in another state and was admitted into the hospital 3 days ago and released yesterday and is still seeing worms. Is this possible from the drug or has he gone crazy?
Rancid One	Re: Won't admit using meth? *Quote:* 1.) One of my friends confronted her privately, and let her know that she had heard she was using. Of course, she flat out denied it. So what next? what do you do when they won't even admit using? Do you wait until they are ready to admit it, or do you continue to offer support and hope they eventually open up? Do you let them know that you aren't falling for their line for a second, or leave it alone? There isn't much you can do if she denies it. I personaly would call her on it and tell her that when she is ready to seek help that you are willing to be there for her. If you feel this way of course. Helping a meth addict can bring a world of problems into your life. We addicts all lie, most cheat, and steal. *Quote:* 2.) She has two kids who live in the home, and a husband who i know has used in the past, but I'm not sure of his status at the moment. The kids are 3rd and 7th grade, the eldest is aware that his mother is doing drugs (he found her pipe in her vehicle, and knows that she has been recently arrested for shoplifting). My question is should someone be called about the kids, such as social services? or should that be left alone as well? Call cps. The kids are not safe around meth addicts. Some might suggest that you mind you own business. But I would make an anonymous call. Just remember that if you do decide to call cps and you have already confronted her on her addiction, she is going to probably link the two together and be very pissed at you. *Quote:* 3.)This is a no-brainer, but I would still like to hear some imput. This friend is my ex's sister, therefore he takes my kids to her house frequently, and I know that she puts my youngest in the car with herself and her daughter almost every time they visit. I know it is dangerous, but I guess I am wanting to know just how meth use affects driving, judgement, etc. (I have had to be straight with my daughter btw, and have recently forbidden her to get into a vehicle with her aunt). Meth heightens most peoples awareness, but sleep deprivation counters that heightened awareness. It's unsafe for your child to be anywhere around her. *Quote:* 4.) This one might sound trivial, but its just something I wonder about. Of course, her appearance has changed dramatically...drastic weight loss..rapid aging etc....I was wondering, when she looks in the mirror, does she realize how bad she now looks and no longer cares because the drug is more important to her, or does she look in the mirror and not even see the damage she has done? She MIGHT notice the changes. But likely doesn't care much. All that we addicts truely care about is getting high. *Quote:* 5.) As everyone who uses meth, she has done many things that were not previously her nature.....very frequent sex with strangers,,very bold sexual acts, webcam etc.....I guess I am wondering if she is fully aware of what she has become, and if there is any guilt associated with her actions at this point....I'm guessing there is, but again the lure of the drug is stronger. When I was using, I constantly said... I have to stop doing this @#%$ before it kills me. Yet EVERY morning I still got high went to work... came home... got high... played a game... got high... went back to work... got high... It's a vicious cycle and all we really care about is getting high. Once we're high we just wana have fun and anything that interfears with getting high or having fun pisses us off. Now... If you have any more questions please feel free to ask. We love it around here when lurkers come out to post. So post away, become part of the family if you wish. Anyone and everyone is welcome.
Got Questions	Re: Won't admit using meth? Thanks I've been watching your posts too...and I'm rooting for you!
Rancid One	Re: Won't admit using meth? Any time And thank you
danimal 55	Re: Won't admit using meth? Welcome Friend, And a good friend you are! Immnna add my own take on this.... 1. Lie, cheat, and steal is the routine, lets not forget deal-ing, especially if unemployed. You can't force the truth, an active user will look you straight in the eye and lie like a dog, knowing you know it's a lie. Standard procedure. We become masters of self deception prior to deceiving others. It's typically fruitless to push the issue of honesty, the addict is incapable of being truthful, the truth is THEE biggest threat to the addiction and is perceived as the enemy. 2. Letting CPS know is in the best interest of the children, it would be a dis-service to the kids not to, in light of the fact that they are directly exposed to things like her PIPE!! and numerous other atrocities. CPS intervention can certainly raise the "bottom" to meet her. 3. My worst driving was under the influence of meth, trying to "chase a puddle" or "rig up" at highway speeds was a gross risk to myself and others, so was driving after 3-4 days without sleep. More than once I lifted my head up not knowing how long I'd been nodded out. I've used both lanes and both shoulders trying to "do" meth shortly after leaving the dealers house. NOT kewl! 4. How she looks in the mirror is directly related to the stage of use she's in, when we're up and runnin' we are deluded enough to think we're lookin' good, we certainly feel good. When we're crashing and psychotic we see ourselves quite differently, we pick ourselves to pieces as a result of formication...those pesky speed bugs. We see the eyes of a dead person when we see our reflection, we are dead in many ways.. short of no vital signs. Fleeting moments of clarity do remind us of our impending doom. Mirrors are a real drag for tweakers. 5. Twisted hyper-sexuality is par for the course and we can't understand why everyone does'nt feel the same. The brain relentlessly insists on sex even when the body can barely stand upright. Some go so far as to spike anothers beverage with "floaters" [meth] to bring them to their level of demented depravity. IMO, meth addiction is largely related to these hyper-sexual behaviors. Meth addicts are typically porn addicts as well. Two peas in a pod eh. Guilt, shame, and remorse usually come after abstinence and recovery begin, when start taking our personal inventory and become honest with ourselves. Good luck with your friend, but do'nt expect anything in regards to helping her. We CAN raise the bottom to meet the addict, but it can be very tricky and emotionally draining. Keep coming back, you are a true friend!
chrisgonz	Re: Won't admit using meth? Hey ?'s, Welcome!! Here's my .02's okay. 1. If there are signs, I'd point them out. Since it's been so long since you've seen her, you'd probably want to be very kind about it. It's hard to see someone you haven't seen for a long time and then have them call you on stuff, but if you love her, stick to your guns. 2. Again, you've been out of the picture for awhile, talk to her about how precious her children are and how important their well-being is. Then stick around and keep tabs on them, IF the situation calls for it, call someone to clue them in, I'd start with a responsible family member first and IF the situation calls for it, yes call child services. 3. Ok, back the fu ck up. You are a lot closer to the situation than you'd mentioned. HELL NO, don't let your kids in her car, house, visits or ANYTHING. Her son found her pipe IN THE CAR. She's lucky a cop didn't. ALL those kids would be involved with child services, yours included. I'm sure that falls under neglect and you KNOW she's using, and IF she isn't she shouldn't have a problem PROVING it with a UA or something like that. I WOULD NOT SUBJECT MY KIDS TO HER DRUG USE, PERIOD!!!!! She would have to PROVE to me she wasn't using and IF I was wrong, I'd apologize and IF she's clean she'd understand. 4. Denial is denial, she probably sees it, but is jusifying it one way or another. 5. A fiend is a fiend, sex, drugs, lies, everything. Going overboard on drugs is just the beginning. Note** I want to change my answers. 1. She's using, her changes are drastic, tell her she needs help. Tell her she needs to face the truth about her ADDICTION and tell her about options for help, give her this link and tell her about NA for starters. 2. Tell her to get she shyte together and start addressing her ADDICTION or you're going to call child services. That's what I would do and in the meantime, I would NOT let the ex take MY kids to her house. The kids can spend time with dad somewhere safe, like at the park, the movies, out eating, anywhere besides somewhere where kids are finding crack pipes. Sorry to be so blunt, but the truth can hurt sometimes and it sounds like your friend needs to start facing the truth.
forget suzette	Re: Won't admit using meth? *Quote:* ....would Ritalin do anything for a meth user? we had wondered if he didnt get the meds cuz she was possibly taking them. absolutely! ...a meth user could do the ritilin a certain way, and get sorta the same buzz if they are like me.
danimal 55	Re: Won't admit using meth? Oh yeah! You can bet "mother takes him off the meds"... when mother is out of meth!